A Quick Note to Canada from The Crew

Dear Canada,

We here at the Columbus Crew want to let you know one thing; we own you. That is right we own you. We own your teams, Vancouver and Toronto, we own your fans, we own your stadiums, and we own your country. It is all ours. You have come to Ohio and tried and tried again to get the better of us and what have we done? Not lost that is for sure. We have even made it up into your Great White North and what have we not done? That is right again not lost. We admit you have given us some scares but in the end “America’s Hat” has ended up on the floor. Let me say it again in case you did not get it; WE OWN YOU! Here is one for all you French Canadian fans; Nous vous possédons.

Jeff Cunningham

Let us get back to those scares that we mentioned above. Though you are far inferior you have pushed us and made us better. The Trillium Cup is one of the most hotly contested matches in the MLS, though to be a real rivalry Toronto may want to try and win a few matches. We digress; we did not play Toronto this week so no sense beating up on a team that has not beaten us since they came in the league. This week we played the ‘other’ Canadian team, Vancouver, and boy did they give us a run for our money but in the end persistence won the day. You are new to the league and last Wednesday was a welcoming gift from us to you. I know we gave you one when you came to Columbus but we just wanted to give you another to remind you that, we own you. Yes that is right. As a card carrying member of Canada we felt the need to come to your place of business and give you the same gift that we gave you in Columbus; a loss.

The gift came on the boots, or head as the case may be, of Jeff Cunningham who is now the all time leading scorer for the Columbus Crew and just one behind the league leader, Jamie Morneo. It would have been nice if he did it at home but he did do it in our second home called Canada. We would like to thank you Vancouver for giving us a good 89 minutes of play. The poor clearance by your defense, the great ball in by Josh Gardner, and then the poor marking of your defense really made the game for us. Thank you. I hope that we made your transition into the big leagues easy. Just get used to us beating you and you will do just fine in the MLS. We think that you and Toronto can make a support group and cry on each other’s shoulders. That would be nice because misery loves company. Enjoy the beautiful game win or lose, and make today better than yesterday.

Your friends from Ohio,

The Columbus Crew, a.k.a. Your Owners


(image courtesy of Getty Images)

Dustyn Richardson

About Dustyn Richardson

Managing editor and Houston Dynamo writer for Total-MLS. Fan of all Houston sports teams and Manchester United supporter. Still angry at Bud Selig for moving the Astros to the American League.